Awesome Expression > Judgmental Stuff
"Are the gods not just?" "Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?" - C.S. Lewis
Judgmental Menu:
On Being Judgmental
I am very judgmental. Let me tell you exactly why. Throughout my life, I have been what people categorize as "very good".
Growing up, I studied to oblivion when nobody did, stayed at home when everyone was out to fool around, planned 50 steps ahead when everyone was living life at the moment. I do everything I should and avoid everything I should not, usually without being asked. Heck, my own rules were stricter than my parent's. 
In other words, I skipped the wonders of youth. 
The truth is, I am a coward who is extremely averse to risk. I have a vivid imagination about what can happen if I do this or neglect that. So out of self-preservation, I make every effort to stay out of every conceivable trouble there is of childhood and adulthood. I build a very safe little shell for myself, and I hardened. 
There was once a woman who "led a sinful life" - the kind who everyone spat on. No big deal, she was used to it, and the money was good, until through an epiphany from above, she came to realize the fullness of her depravity.
Suddenly her straightforward life turned upside down. Through no will of her own, she was dragged from the cozy darkness to the piercing brightness. For the first time in her life, she felt the burn of conscience. She felt the surging need to change. She HAD to change, or her soul would surely be consumed by her newfound shame. But who would believe her? Who would give her the chance? 
Who would save her from this horrific flame of guilt? In her despair, she heard of a great man coming to town, a man who had been changing people's lives wherever he went. She heard the most remarkable stories, the blind opening their eyes, the lame dancing on their feet, the dead rising to life. But the craziest one had got to be this: this man claimed authority to forgive sins. Any sin. 
To a good and sane person, this must seem crazier than the walking dead. What crazy business had a random man to forgive random wrongdoings by random people? But what can be crazier than a prostitute feeling the desperate need to become clean to save her sanity? So, against all odds and defying all reason, this woman believed. She had some savings - money from her depravity - that perhaps may allow her to live a simple life for a while. But deep down she knew this was not enough. This is the funny thing about money. It can buy everything in life except the ones that truly matter. Money can neither buy purity nor peace. So this woman took a huge risk. Prostitutes make the greatest gamblers. Everything she had, she betted it on this man she never met. All because he claimed to grant forgiveness. How does that even work?
This crazy woman took all her life savings and bought the most expensive alabaster flask of ointment. I know, that sounds pretty random. I told you, she was crazy. And yet this was what she did. It was her everything. Her hands shook and her head churned as she carried it. Everyone on the street recognized her. How dare she walked under broad daylight!
But she was oblivious to everyone but him, or rather the thought of him. She hadn't even met him! I told you she was crazy! What would he think of her? Crazy? Indeed she was. Would he care? Why would he? In a trance, she arrived at the house of a reputable man who was hosting him. A lot of people were there already. They were all there to see him. But when they saw her, they moved out of the way for her, so that she would not touch their clean clothes. 
Even though she had never seen him, she recognized him at once. It was as if she had known him all her life, or rather, he had known her all along. And she knew he was real.
The black most clearly outline the white. The worst low-life always had a knack for recognizing the highest. He looked at her from afar as she entered. She would remember that look till her death, the look that gave her the final courage to approach him. That was the look of love beyond human power. Have you ever been hit by a love with immense authority? Without a word, he saw right through her heart and gave her exactly what she needed. That is the type of authority that can grant forgiveness to anyone, for anything. What she had sought all her life like a tiny fish lost in an ocean was finally given to her by the sky - a sky wider than the ocean. As she got closer to him, her legs gave way to his crushing power and she fell on her knees. She started to weep and wet his feet with tears mixed in shame and hope. 
She wiped them dry with her long hair. She broke the jar of her life savings and rubbed his feet with the ointment, and the fragrance filled the air like a prayer. She kissed his feet again and again when she still had the chance. No sane person with any self respect would have done any of this. But she was not sane. 
She believed him. That he is God who has the authority to forgive and the power to transform.A moneylender had 2 debtors. One owed 5000, the other 5. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both out of mercy. Which of them will love him more? Her sins, which are many, were forgiven. Hence she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.
Throughout my life, I had been meticulous in trying to be right. I never skipped school, cheated, slacked off, gotten into trouble, or thrown myself away at stupid things. Not a single blunder! Do you know how much self discipline this takes? Do you know how much fun I sacrificed to be without blemish? I am living proof that it is possible to avoid all of these. Yes, YOU CAN! Show me your excuse and I shall laugh!
I shall judge you with my track record, clean as a whistle! 
So you see, I owed very, very little, or so I thought. Hence I am only able to love very, very little, perhaps only enough for myself. And in my little shell, my love for myself seems enough, until through an epiphany from above, I came to realize the fullness of my depravity. What depravity?
For being so good that everyone ought to fall at my feet? For being right all the time and therefore qualified to judge everyone's mistakes? For living with satisfaction that my love for myself is enough because no one else deserves to be loved by me? But His love was the sky that made me realize I had been drowning in my tiny pond where I was the only and hence biggest fish. Through no will of my own, I was forced to look up from the dirt I was feeding on to face the blinding light above. Why won't He leave me alone in my dead little pond? I was perfectly happy choking on weeds. It was torture by mercy. 
That was how I learned that I am very judgmental. And very annoying. I can tell you it is no fun going suddenly from the judge to the judged. But where judgment can sink like an iron weight deep into the ocean, mercy can lift like wings towards the sky. My biggest strength is that I am keenly aware of my weaknesses, and my biggest weakness is that I do not have the strength to overcome them. Not alone. How wretched I am! And yet, how blessed I am! For I am not alone.
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"For children are innocent and love justice, while most of us are wicked and naturally prefer mercy." – G.K. Chesterton
You can even Ask Judge Expression Anything! Awesome!
"For children are innocent and love justice, while most of us are wicked and naturally prefer mercy." – G.K. Chesterton
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